In the second of this week’s two parshiyot, K’doshim, the Torah teaches us the mitzvah of reproof. “Hokheiah tokhiah — Reprove, reprove your neighbor, and do not bear sin on his/her account.” Instead of nursing our anger at someone who has hurt us, we should confront that person so that we can clear the air.

The Talmudic rabbis taught that this is one of the most difficult mitzvot to do properly. Very often, when we confront those who have hurt us, we make the problem worse instead of better. The Baal Shem Tov explained that, in those cases, it is usually because we have failed to confront ourselves first. That is why the word “reprove” is doubled: to teach us that we must first reprove ourselves. We must own up to our share of responsibility for the conflict before we confront the other. Once we have accepted our share of the blame, we have a better chance of getting the other party to do the same.

By doubling our reproof, may we make our words a source of healing and not harm.